Dear Santa
As Seen in the December 2008 edition of Bella magazine.
Last year, next to the cookies and milk we leave out for Santa, we found this note from our youngest child. It’s a little window into our wacky world.
Santa!
Merry Christmas! Thank you for the presents!
Please don’t eat cookies in the living room or in the tree room.
Or mom will get mad.
Love, Julia
P.S. Don’t drink the milk in those rooms either…you don’t want to spill. Please eat in the kitchen.
I was stunned. I didn’t realize that we could cast all of our cares on Santa. I think Julia is onto something. Clearly she had worries that Santa would have an awful run-in with her mean mother. This year, I also have a lot on my mind. My biggest concern is actually not that St. Nick will smash a candy cane cookie on my beige carpet. So, following Julia’s lead, I’m writing my own missive to the jolly old elf.
Dear Santa,
Thank you so much for taking care of all the gifts for Christmas. That is a big load off my mind.
You see, I find life to be pretty complicated. It’s good to know as this season approaches that you’ve got all the presents chosen and will deliver, no extra charge. You are better than Amazon.com. Plus you don’t charge a penny for these services. That’s great because that’s just about how much we have to invest in this holiday.
There’s a lot on my mind these days. You can’t even believe how complicated life is here in the Northern hemisphere. Santa, you probably just sit back and let Mrs. Claus bring you a cup of warm milk at bedtime. At our house, I’m Mrs. Claus. Nothing is easy, not even a glass of milk. You see, there are seven people living in my house and we buy four different types of milk. Skim, 1%, 2% and lactose free. (We cut out the chocolate soy in an effort to simplify our lives.) Enjoy your glass of milk, Santa.
Now Santa, please understand. You might think because of the four types of milk that I live with people who are difficult to please. Santa, that’s not true. They are very easily pleased, as long as they get what they want.
Alex would really like a Wii game system.
Trevor would like permission to text.
Danny would like his learners permit.
Caroline would like to be a vet.
Julia would like Webkins….again.
Dave would like gas prices to stay in the $2 range.
(And to somehow be teleported to a life of ease, post putting five kids through college. A house on a lake, perhaps, or with a mountain view? Or both. A simple cottage where he can eat cookies in every room.)
Martie would like peace and love. And a self-cleaning house.
Santa, you rock! Since you’ve got these gifts covered, can I ask for just one more teeny weeny favor? Would it be possible, Santa, for you to cover holiday baking as well? We need cookies to go with all that milk. I used to make seven kinds from scratch. Back in the day, I began baking right after Thanksgiving in order to freeze tins full of holiday delights. (There are a lot of things I used to do. Sigh.) Now my holiday baking has been reduced to Fly-By Baking. I buy buckets of chocolate chip cookie dough and pass them off as homemade. (Oh, that’s right, you already know that, don’t you, Santa?) I would really like to have a lovely variety of homemade cookies. Can Mrs. Clause get involved in the outsourcing of that project?
Just tell her these few requirements. I’ve been watching my fat, and it wobbles like your own belly aka bowl full of jelly. So some lower calorie cookies would be nice. We have dear friends with peanut allergies, so scratch the peanuts. I like walnuts, but Dave only eats pecans, so stick with those. And we love cookies, but not on the carpet. That’s about it.
Phew, I feel my stress level reducing as the letter draws to a close. Santa, you are truly magical. I read 75% of doctors visits are due to stress-related ailments. Headaches, insomnia, stomachaches. Check, check, check…been there, done that. So Santa, you are doing me a Big, Fat, Elfin-Magic-Sized Favor to take care of all these worries. My head feels lighter, I think I can sleep tonight, and my belly is neither tense or rumbly. I feel the holiday spirit just expanding in me (where the cookie dough used to sit). No gifts to buy, no bills to pay, no cookies to bake. This will indeed be a Merry Christmas.
So get to work, Big Guy. And help yourself to cookies and milk…in the kitchen of course.
Your #1 fan,
Martie
PS. I drink the skim.
Martie Smith Byrd says “Who needs VISA? I have Santa!” She and her beautiful family wish you all the joy of the holiday season. Martie and Dave have 5 teens and preteens and live in Roanoke, VA.
Santa!
Merry Christmas! Thank you for the presents!
Please don’t eat cookies in the living room or in the tree room.
Or mom will get mad.
Love, Julia
P.S. Don’t drink the milk in those rooms either…you don’t want to spill. Please eat in the kitchen.
I was stunned. I didn’t realize that we could cast all of our cares on Santa. I think Julia is onto something. Clearly she had worries that Santa would have an awful run-in with her mean mother. This year, I also have a lot on my mind. My biggest concern is actually not that St. Nick will smash a candy cane cookie on my beige carpet. So, following Julia’s lead, I’m writing my own missive to the jolly old elf.
Dear Santa,
Thank you so much for taking care of all the gifts for Christmas. That is a big load off my mind.
You see, I find life to be pretty complicated. It’s good to know as this season approaches that you’ve got all the presents chosen and will deliver, no extra charge. You are better than Amazon.com. Plus you don’t charge a penny for these services. That’s great because that’s just about how much we have to invest in this holiday.
There’s a lot on my mind these days. You can’t even believe how complicated life is here in the Northern hemisphere. Santa, you probably just sit back and let Mrs. Claus bring you a cup of warm milk at bedtime. At our house, I’m Mrs. Claus. Nothing is easy, not even a glass of milk. You see, there are seven people living in my house and we buy four different types of milk. Skim, 1%, 2% and lactose free. (We cut out the chocolate soy in an effort to simplify our lives.) Enjoy your glass of milk, Santa.
Now Santa, please understand. You might think because of the four types of milk that I live with people who are difficult to please. Santa, that’s not true. They are very easily pleased, as long as they get what they want.
Alex would really like a Wii game system.
Trevor would like permission to text.
Danny would like his learners permit.
Caroline would like to be a vet.
Julia would like Webkins….again.
Dave would like gas prices to stay in the $2 range.
(And to somehow be teleported to a life of ease, post putting five kids through college. A house on a lake, perhaps, or with a mountain view? Or both. A simple cottage where he can eat cookies in every room.)
Martie would like peace and love. And a self-cleaning house.
Santa, you rock! Since you’ve got these gifts covered, can I ask for just one more teeny weeny favor? Would it be possible, Santa, for you to cover holiday baking as well? We need cookies to go with all that milk. I used to make seven kinds from scratch. Back in the day, I began baking right after Thanksgiving in order to freeze tins full of holiday delights. (There are a lot of things I used to do. Sigh.) Now my holiday baking has been reduced to Fly-By Baking. I buy buckets of chocolate chip cookie dough and pass them off as homemade. (Oh, that’s right, you already know that, don’t you, Santa?) I would really like to have a lovely variety of homemade cookies. Can Mrs. Clause get involved in the outsourcing of that project?
Just tell her these few requirements. I’ve been watching my fat, and it wobbles like your own belly aka bowl full of jelly. So some lower calorie cookies would be nice. We have dear friends with peanut allergies, so scratch the peanuts. I like walnuts, but Dave only eats pecans, so stick with those. And we love cookies, but not on the carpet. That’s about it.
Phew, I feel my stress level reducing as the letter draws to a close. Santa, you are truly magical. I read 75% of doctors visits are due to stress-related ailments. Headaches, insomnia, stomachaches. Check, check, check…been there, done that. So Santa, you are doing me a Big, Fat, Elfin-Magic-Sized Favor to take care of all these worries. My head feels lighter, I think I can sleep tonight, and my belly is neither tense or rumbly. I feel the holiday spirit just expanding in me (where the cookie dough used to sit). No gifts to buy, no bills to pay, no cookies to bake. This will indeed be a Merry Christmas.
So get to work, Big Guy. And help yourself to cookies and milk…in the kitchen of course.
Your #1 fan,
Martie
PS. I drink the skim.
Martie Smith Byrd says “Who needs VISA? I have Santa!” She and her beautiful family wish you all the joy of the holiday season. Martie and Dave have 5 teens and preteens and live in Roanoke, VA.
3 comments:
We live in the Northern hemisphere you know. By the way, I won't scratch you off my Christmas card list. Oh, and I love you! Merry Christmas!
I couldn't have said it better myself...seriously. :-) I like this blog it sums it all up. I heading to the kitchen to make "puppy chow" instead of cookies with Ryan. I am willing to make this mess because most likely next Christmas he will just be too cool to hang with his mom in the kitchen. ugh!
And, take you off my Christmas card list... Never!
Laura
Martie
You are rich beyond measure with that beautiful family of yours.
It is difficult and tiring with so many things screaming for your attention, I am sure, but you have done such an excellent job bringing them up and you have so much talent and wisdom.
You are a very blessed lady, Martie, and Sue and I are very impressed with who you are and we often discuss so many of your comments and words of wisdom.
God Bless you and have a wonderful Christmas knowing that your life means a great deal to us all!
Your fan,
Tim
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