Wake Up and Smell the Coffee
As seen in the April edition of Bella Magazine
Getting seven people up and out of the house in sixty minutes or less is a ton of fun. I have pitched this concept to the networks as the latest reality show. It would be called Wake Up and Smell the Coffee. It would be a family competition and I know the Byrds could win big bucks.
Dad would be team captain. He actually wakes up every morning without an alarm clock. You might say that he wakes up with the birds (the other ones.) He works out at 5 o’clock in the morning. By 6:30 a.m., he’s been up for hours and is ready for some company. He cheerfully wakes up all the kids. Cheerful is an understatement. He actually channels the Robin William’s character in Good Morning, Vietnam. He wakes them up with songs, comedy numbers, and character sketches. He lets me sleep. I’m not a Robin Williams fan.
Caroline, Julia, Daniel and Trevor are all woken up in the 6 o’clock hour. As you can imagine, there is a mad rush for the shower and lots of door pounding, accented with “Hurry up!” and “I left my toothbrush in there!” or the forlorn cry, “Can someone bring me a towel?”
Alex, at 17, has a very hard time waking up. He sets his cell phone as an alarm. It goes off at 6:30 and every 5 minutes thereafter. As a backup, he sets the alarm on his iHome, the ipod deck. That alarm goes off every 10 minutes. Alarm bells are ringing at 6:30, 6:35, 6:37, 6:40, 6:45, 6:47...you get the drill. Still, Alex tenaciously refuses to get up. He stays in bed until someone yells, “Alex! It’s 7 o’clock!” Yet he’s a tenacious competitor. He can shower, dress, eat breakfast, brush his teeth, and corral his siblings into the car in 25 minutes or less. Alex would be an awesome contestant in the Wake Up Reality Show.
His alarm(s) really bother me, his loving mother. Why? Because I’m still enjoying my sleep, and don’t like to hear the jarring bells and odd song selections. His little sister says his alarm sounds like the scary monkey music in the Wizard of Oz. Clearly, this is upsetting, even all the way down the hall. Yet he is immune. When complaining about it the other morning, the whole family chimed in on how irritating his alarms are to us. Dad said, “What alarms? I never hear a thing.” Dad is relentlessly upbeat in the morning. I am not. Therefore, I opt to stay in bed as long as possible.
My goal is to stay in bed until three things happen. One, I hear the coffee grinding. Two, I smell it brewing. Three, I hear the bus pass by. Then, and only then, do I emerge from my room. Julia is our only child who still rides the school bus. t comes at 7:04 every morning. Hearing the bus pass is Julia’s signal to get her coat on. It’s also my signal to hop out of bed. Julia wants a “Mommy and Daddy sandwich” before she leaves in the morning. This is when you hug with your child stuck in the middle. I have just enough time to enjoy a Julia Sandwich before she gets on the bus.
Speaking of sandwiches, they are a big part of the morning routine. Happy Daddy (one of Dave’s comedy characters) runs a sandwich shop in our kitchen. He keeps up a hilarious patter of jokes as he makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Because special orders don’t upset Happy Daddy, the kids expect to have it their way. Some like crunchy. Some like creamy. Some like their sandwich loaded with peanut butter. Others like extra jelly.
Mom likes coffee. And I like to stay out of the sandwich business whenever humanly possible. I’m so thankful for Happy Daddy. (When Happy Daddy goes out of town on business, Crabby Mommy instructs the kids to buy lunch at school.)
It may sound like Grand Central station, but I’m telling you, we’ve got it down to a routine. And part of our routine is someone forgetting something important. The most critically important item to the success of their day is placed on the kitchen island “so I won’t forget it.” For decades, I have been saying, “Put it in your backpacks!” Or the variations, “Did you put it in your folder? Did you put it in your gym bag? Did you put it in your binder?” But no, these kids know better. Their system is to put the most important item on the island. It may be the paper they typed until the wee hours. It may be their uniform for the big game. It may be the recorder they absolutely must have for music class today. It may be a library book that has to be turned in or else.
Naturally, they proceed to the car laden with bags, lunches, backpacks. It’s crazy how much they have to carry to school each day. Sadly, routinely, daily, they forget the island items. This is when I spring into action. In my bare feet, gigantic red bathrobe and bed head, I sprint after them, flailing the forgotten item. This must amuse the neighbors. I know it will be the funniest part of the Wake Up and Smell the Coffee reality show. I’d howl with laughter seeing a crazy mom running after the bus with a Sponge Bob Lunch Box and a Recorder. As long as it’s not me, that is.
I’m starting to wonder if they do it on purpose. Running after them is how Crabby Mommy shows her love.
Martie Smith Byrd lives with Happy Daddy and their five children in Roanoke, VA. Their youngest, Julia, officially becomes a pre-teen this month. Happy 11th Birthday, JB! (And no, you can’t have a cell phone now.) Martie is a encourager and would love to speak at your club or organization. Contact her at martiebyrd@yahoo.com.
Dad would be team captain. He actually wakes up every morning without an alarm clock. You might say that he wakes up with the birds (the other ones.) He works out at 5 o’clock in the morning. By 6:30 a.m., he’s been up for hours and is ready for some company. He cheerfully wakes up all the kids. Cheerful is an understatement. He actually channels the Robin William’s character in Good Morning, Vietnam. He wakes them up with songs, comedy numbers, and character sketches. He lets me sleep. I’m not a Robin Williams fan.
Caroline, Julia, Daniel and Trevor are all woken up in the 6 o’clock hour. As you can imagine, there is a mad rush for the shower and lots of door pounding, accented with “Hurry up!” and “I left my toothbrush in there!” or the forlorn cry, “Can someone bring me a towel?”
Alex, at 17, has a very hard time waking up. He sets his cell phone as an alarm. It goes off at 6:30 and every 5 minutes thereafter. As a backup, he sets the alarm on his iHome, the ipod deck. That alarm goes off every 10 minutes. Alarm bells are ringing at 6:30, 6:35, 6:37, 6:40, 6:45, 6:47...you get the drill. Still, Alex tenaciously refuses to get up. He stays in bed until someone yells, “Alex! It’s 7 o’clock!” Yet he’s a tenacious competitor. He can shower, dress, eat breakfast, brush his teeth, and corral his siblings into the car in 25 minutes or less. Alex would be an awesome contestant in the Wake Up Reality Show.
His alarm(s) really bother me, his loving mother. Why? Because I’m still enjoying my sleep, and don’t like to hear the jarring bells and odd song selections. His little sister says his alarm sounds like the scary monkey music in the Wizard of Oz. Clearly, this is upsetting, even all the way down the hall. Yet he is immune. When complaining about it the other morning, the whole family chimed in on how irritating his alarms are to us. Dad said, “What alarms? I never hear a thing.” Dad is relentlessly upbeat in the morning. I am not. Therefore, I opt to stay in bed as long as possible.
My goal is to stay in bed until three things happen. One, I hear the coffee grinding. Two, I smell it brewing. Three, I hear the bus pass by. Then, and only then, do I emerge from my room. Julia is our only child who still rides the school bus. t comes at 7:04 every morning. Hearing the bus pass is Julia’s signal to get her coat on. It’s also my signal to hop out of bed. Julia wants a “Mommy and Daddy sandwich” before she leaves in the morning. This is when you hug with your child stuck in the middle. I have just enough time to enjoy a Julia Sandwich before she gets on the bus.
Speaking of sandwiches, they are a big part of the morning routine. Happy Daddy (one of Dave’s comedy characters) runs a sandwich shop in our kitchen. He keeps up a hilarious patter of jokes as he makes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Because special orders don’t upset Happy Daddy, the kids expect to have it their way. Some like crunchy. Some like creamy. Some like their sandwich loaded with peanut butter. Others like extra jelly.
Mom likes coffee. And I like to stay out of the sandwich business whenever humanly possible. I’m so thankful for Happy Daddy. (When Happy Daddy goes out of town on business, Crabby Mommy instructs the kids to buy lunch at school.)
It may sound like Grand Central station, but I’m telling you, we’ve got it down to a routine. And part of our routine is someone forgetting something important. The most critically important item to the success of their day is placed on the kitchen island “so I won’t forget it.” For decades, I have been saying, “Put it in your backpacks!” Or the variations, “Did you put it in your folder? Did you put it in your gym bag? Did you put it in your binder?” But no, these kids know better. Their system is to put the most important item on the island. It may be the paper they typed until the wee hours. It may be their uniform for the big game. It may be the recorder they absolutely must have for music class today. It may be a library book that has to be turned in or else.
Naturally, they proceed to the car laden with bags, lunches, backpacks. It’s crazy how much they have to carry to school each day. Sadly, routinely, daily, they forget the island items. This is when I spring into action. In my bare feet, gigantic red bathrobe and bed head, I sprint after them, flailing the forgotten item. This must amuse the neighbors. I know it will be the funniest part of the Wake Up and Smell the Coffee reality show. I’d howl with laughter seeing a crazy mom running after the bus with a Sponge Bob Lunch Box and a Recorder. As long as it’s not me, that is.
I’m starting to wonder if they do it on purpose. Running after them is how Crabby Mommy shows her love.
Martie Smith Byrd lives with Happy Daddy and their five children in Roanoke, VA. Their youngest, Julia, officially becomes a pre-teen this month. Happy 11th Birthday, JB! (And no, you can’t have a cell phone now.) Martie is a encourager and would love to speak at your club or organization. Contact her at martiebyrd@yahoo.com.
1 comment:
Great story, Martie!
Alex needs the kind of alarm clock we got for Connie. It has a whirly thing on top that launches. The alarm, which sounds like the French police sirens in movies, won't stop until you wake up enough to retrieve it and plug it back into the clock. It isn't a perfect system, but Connie says it helps. One morning the whirly-gig landed on top of duct work that runs along her ceiling, and I think she made it to class on time that day.
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